Impending doom or new possibilities?

April 15th, 2010 is the day. Yes, it’s tax day but it’s also my last day at work. I will become one of the many Americans that has been laid off and will be collecting unemployment.

With California’s unemployment at 12.5% it’s going to be incredibly hard to find another job for a long time.  The prospect of being without a job is frightening. I’ve been working since I was 16 years old and have only been unemployed for a total of 2 weeks in my entire professional life. Steady employment is part of the reason why I stopped going to college. I liked having money in my pocket. I liked the independence it brought. I liked taking care of myself. But the future now looks a bit tenuous in the financial department if I end up unemployed for a long period of time. I may even have to say goodbye to my car. But it’s a Toyota and we all know how badly they’re doing so I may be able to get a deal!

However, the creative possibilities are endless. I can now go back to school and finally get that degree society insists I have in order to get paid a teeny bit more. I can then apply to that playwriting program at USC  that I’ve been interested in for a very long time. I can write all day and every day. I can take trips in and around Los Angeles…I may even be able to do a bit of traveling outside of the U.S…this is a long shot but if I budget right I may be able to. I can devote more time to East LA Rep. I can be a more active contributor to the theater community in Los Angeles. I haven’t been able to do this because I’m stuck at work from 9 – 6 pm but I won’t have this obstacle anymore. The only obstacles I could possibly have would be of my own making. Depression and self-doubt have always been a problem but I’m getting so much better at keeping these under control. I am in a great position to thrive.

I framed the check I got from the University of Santa Cruz for the rights of “In the time of the Rosalila” and placed it on the wall in front of my desk at home. I must look at this every day and get the motivation I need to keep going.  By the time I’m 40 I should have completed my bachelors, gotten a Masters in playwriting, and written a slew of kick-ass plays among other fun and incredible things of course. Seeing it in print here makes it feel less scary and more of a possibility and it’s exciting!

It’s time to commit to my future. The one I should have started on years ago.